Loney nights
by praime
Summary: Honey lemon is grieving for Tadashi and contemplating her future.


''Another successful mission,'' Fred cheered.

''Tadashi would be proud of us,'' Gogo said.

Honey lemon swallowed, there was that name again. The name that always seemed to hang in the air ready to swallow her up. No, she couldn't think about him now she needs to be strong.

''I need to go home,'' Wasabi said, ''or else my study scheduled will be compromised.''

Gogo rolled her eyes, ''that would be a total disaster.''

''Exactly,'' wasabi answered with his finger pointed up. ''Honey lemon want me to give you a ride?''

''That would be great thank you,'' Honey lemon smiled.

Wasabi spend the whole car ride stressing about the paper he handed in a couple of days ago. ''And maybe I should have gone deeper into the mechanics of the beta laser.''

Honey lemon nodded along friendly. Until the car came to a stop before her dorm.

''Well this is your stop,'' Wasabi said and Honey lemon stepped out of the car.

''Thanks again for the ride,''

''No problem see you on Monday,'' he answered before he drove off.

She had forgotten that it was Friday night. She and her friends had made no plans this weekend which meant that she would be on her own for the next 2 days since her roommate always went home on the weekends to see her family. Honey lemon didn't do that, her parents moved across the country to her birthplace to take care of her Abuela. She mostly saw them on holidays and kept in touch through skype. Honey lemon opened the door to find her apartment dark and empty, her roommate had already left.

Honey lemon started working on a new dress design but she couldn't concentrate, her thoughts kept drifting towards him. In the past weeks, she had been hiding the full extent of her grief for her friends. They didn't know and she didn't want to burden them. The only person outside of her family that she felt like she could truly be honest with was Tadashi. He just had this air about him that made you feel completely comfortable with him. That was one of the reasons she fell in love with him.

She had kept it hidden certain he wouldn't love her, there were better girls around, prettier. But no, by some miracle he came up to her one-day real shy telling her he loved her. She was certain he was joking at first, it took a while before she believed him, before she opened up. They kept it secret, afraid it would mess up the dynamics of their group. They were about ready to tell everyone when everything changed for good.

She could still remember every detail of that night. Rushing back to the campus when they heard there was an explosion. Seeing Hiro sitting on the ground crying clutching Tadashi's cap. Hearing him say those words that pierced her heart, ''Tadashi went in there just before….'' Them all standing watch while the fireman worked, hoping against hope. Her feet giving out when they finally had to accept the truth.

Honey lemon broke down crying. They had so many plans for the future. They would find a house together big enough to raise their children. She found herself toying with the promise ring he gave her on her birthday ''after college,'' he whispered as he slid it on her finger, ''then our future can begin.'' Now al those plans were gone, and she didn't know if there would be those sorts of plans like those ever again for her.

On nights like this, she felt so lonely and was riddled with self-doubt. She would never find a guy like him again and even if she did he wouldn't like her. She was too energetic, too busy. And what guy would love a girl who snores and talks in her sleep. Who would love a girl who is as broken as she. She couldn't fight the fear anymore, the fear of an unfulfilled life. She felt that her friends were better at everything. They had better projects and were easy to love. They had a bright future ahead of them, she wasn't sure about that herself. She was bullied in high school and secretly she lived in fear that her friends would leave her eventually.

As a child it was easy to dream, dream about a perfect future with a husband, children, and a good career. But since Tadashi's death, everything seemed so difficult. She was afraid her peak was over and that her career would flatline. But she would keep on fighting, that's what Tadashi would have wanted. If he was here he would have cheered her up and talked all of her doubts away, now she had to do that herself. Somehow she would need to find a way to put herself together again even though that was hard. She just needed to find the strength somewhere.

**This story doesn't have an ending yet, but you guys can help me decide one.**


End file.
